I have all of these awesome classes and I am so busy with the homework and everything. I can't talk to anyone. I feel like shit because I am making the choice to go to college so I don't end up like my parents. I want to do something I love. And then I can't talk to anyone I love. The only person I talk to is Alaura and that if she is in the apartment. I'm so busy and I hate it that I can't text for hours anymore. I wish I could just get my degree now. I want to have fun with my friend again. I don't remember the last time i had so much fun with my friends. And then Logan. He makes me feel like crap, even though I'm sure he doesn't mean it. He always says he misses me and I miss him too. He's all like "oh well, I don't know if we should really worry about the relationship aspect of our relationship but I don't wan tot just be friends." I don't really understand but I know he's hurting without me there and I feel like crap because of it. And I try to give him my full attention when I talk to him, but there is just too much to do. I don't have the time to spend two or three hours talking to him anymore and it hurts. Everything seemed so much easier last year. Even though I had really crappy classes and I was seeing people less. I don't know. I just wish I weren't the cause of all this pain. Seriously. I feel like I can't be happy because literally everyone around me is unhappy. I miss talking to Tammie, Michelle, Hayley, Logan, Kimberly, Drew, and Zac all the time. The worst part is, I'm missing out on a bunch of things. My niece has glasses. My mom is doing Tupperware and my brother is choosing a college. I'm 19 years old. When did that happen? I wish I could just stop time. Everything has to get worse form here because I feel so good. If everything is great, things have to get worse before they can get really good again. I don't want that. One day, I'm going to wake up and I'll be 22 trying to find a career and things will be so confusing. I can't prepare myself for life with college. It makes me think I'm just wasting my time, especially with a theatre/Japanese Major and Minor. Seriously, I should just drop out. I hope I'm not wasting my time and money. I could be having so much more fun if I were in Redford.
And then I'm moving in the summer. I'll be 20 then. Holy crap. I would have lived two decades. Crazy. I don't want to move. I'll never be able to see Logan because I know I don't have the courage to drive. the malice in my heart to fill the air with that much junk...I'd rather walk, not to mention I don't want to put my life in that much danger...or other people's lives. So basically, I guess I'll lose my entire world next summer. Gahhh. I have class...and homework I have to do for that class.
Freddie Mercury, I'm glad you're here.
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